It was an appropriately stormy night. Two young brothers, each carrying a torch, sidled up to the dark wooden door of the old castle.
‘On three,’ the elder brother commanded. ‘One, two…’
Before the Watkins boys could apply any force, the door opened of its own accord.
Aidan grinned. ‘Impressive.’

Far above him, one of the gargoyles cocked its ear. It elbowed its neighbour.
‘Did that sound like he was scared to you?’
The second gargoyle cautiously peered over the parapet. ‘Couldn’t say, Dunne. Might’ve been the more gung ho variety.’
‘Gung ho? Where did you pick that up?’
‘Hm? Oh. Must’ve been those American teenagers last month.’
‘Right… Gung ho, you say? That’d be the one where they’re not scared?’
‘Aye. More like, happy to be here. Up for it. Barely able to contain their enthusiasm, in fact.’
‘Yes. I thought it might have been that. Another disappointment for His Lordship, then.’

Their footsteps echoed in the dark hallway. A thin wail grew louder and as the Watkins boys pointed their torches here and there, they found a third light appeared. It wasn’t an electric light, though. It was a pulsating blue haze, that centered in on itself and turned into a man-like but vague shape.
‘Who dares enter my domain?’ it bellowed, in a voice usually associated with hammy actors.
‘Wicked,’ Aidan whispered to his brother.
‘Wicked I most certainly am!’ the ghost intoned, ‘And if you set one foot wrong, my castle shall become thy grave!’ The ghost’s rolling R in particular revealed it’d been watching a few too many stage plays in its time.
‘This is even better than the movies,’ said the younger brother.
‘Oh, for crying out loud,’ the ghost sighed in suddenly much more naturalistic but decidedly unfriendly tones, ‘I can’t handle any more of this!’

From beside the door, a young woman with dark red hair and black clothes with dramatic fringes stepped up behind the boys and tapped them on the shoulder. Both brothers gave a jolt.
‘Sure,’ the ghost moaned, ‘That scares them, yeah. Nice.’
The woman, who was no more than 10 years older than the boys, gave them a friendly look. ‘I’m afraid you’ve rather upset His Lordship. Please go.’
‘No way,’ scoffed Aidan, ‘This is all far too cool. A proper haunted castle!’
The woman pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘Look, if you don’t leave immediately, I’ll have to phone our sollicitor and he can see what we’re to do about your trespassing on our grounds.’
The boys gave each other a look and ran for it.
‘Bugger this!’ The ghost’s voice had trampolined its way into the higher octaves from sheer frustration. ‘If any old sollicitor is scarier than me, I might as well retire now.’